Lessons Learned from Horse Whisperers 02/06/2012
 In the last few weeks, I've become fascinated by horses. Wanting to learn more about these wonderful animals, I read Chris Irwin's Horses Don't Lie. Then Buck Brannaman's The Faraway Horses. (Buck Brannaman is the model for the hero in Nicholas Evans's The Horse Whisperer.) I also read Allan J. Hamilton's Zen Horse, Zen Mind. I will never own a horse. I don't have the time you need to invest in the human/horse relationhip. And I probably won't ride very much. If I do, it will be at one of those places that rent gentle horses for weekend visitors to ride. But I think it's safe to say, the more I learn about horses, the more I love them. Horses are strong and beautiful. And they can make us better than wherever it is we are. People who work around horses well develop a sensitivity and a second language that is intuitive; they learn to observe and pick up cues and to be responsive. They learn to live in the present moment - which is all that matters to a horse. That means that people who work with horses enhance their connectedness to the natural world. The lesson all enlightened horsemasters seem to impart is simple: horses don't need to be "broken" or bribed; horses want to work with you. Horses need to respect you, but respect and kindness go hand in hand. You just need to learn how to communicate with these beautiful animals in language that they understand; you need to develop a relationship with them that honors works the way their minds work. There are many human spheres outside the horse circuit where people could benefit from the wisdom of horse whisperers. Image courtesy of Adrian Parnham Add Comment  Spoiler warning: this is an eclectic list that ranges from reading matter to occupational hazards to fashion forays. Okay, forewarned, here you are - five things I like that no one else does (probably): - A History of the English Language (book) by Alfred C. Baugh. Had to purchase, read and absorb this weighty tome for an advanced class in, yes, the History of the English Language as an undergrad. As Peter Erdmann, of the Technische University in Berlin says, "'Baugh and Cable's classic is still an absolute must for everyone interested in the development of English in its socio-historical context." On the mark, Herr Professor! But what the book also reinforced for me was that the language is alive and evolving even as we, ahem, speak. It has influenced me to be open to inventiveness in communication - in myself and others. Dean Koontz, I mean you. Have caught him making up a word or two in his latest novels. But he's in good company. Shakespeare used to do the same thing. (Six hundred words in Hamlet had never been recorded in print before.) - Writing speeches - yes, I do enjoy writing speeches, which I have - at times - actually done for a living. Less so these days as I am concentrating on creative writing. No, none of the obvious jokes there, please. Many communicators avoid writing speeches or even letting their employers know they are capable of same. I do find it a pleasure. But certain factors have to be in place to make speechwriting a pleasure. First, the client needs to know what he basically wants to say. The speechwriter's job is to help the client express his thoughts as eloquently and as pursuasively as possible. But it is not the speechwriter's job to figure out what the company's or nation's or department's or city's strategy should be. (Oh, I'll do that too, but you need to hike the pay grade.) Second, the client's chief of staff needs to secure enough time for the writer to be able to 1) meet with the client, get a feel for how he expresses himself overall, his personality, and what style of language he will find comfortable, 2) conduct follow up meetings mid-draft, 3) rehearse with the speaker. Third, same chief of staff needs to control the politics of the sitch. Many staffers don't understand speechwriting and speechwriters. Sometimes staffers erroneously feel that face time with the Big Boss is some sort of immense privilege that will lead to who knows what marvelous bennies for the speechwriter. (It isn't and it won't, but that needs to be explained to the all concerned.) Okay, enough of the communication world, onto fashion - or the lack thereof: - Cotton chenille robes - the old-fashioned kind, made of cotton, not microfiber or acrylic or recycled tires, or whatever it is robes are made of these days. These are the kind Mom used to wear - floor-length, breathable, cozy and warm. Pair them up with fuzzy slippers, a cup of hot cocoa and a good book, and you're all set of a winter evening. Genuine cotton chenille robes are almost impossible to find today. That's because sleepwear manufacturers think we women all either want to look like Lolita (yes, those shortie silk robes really keep a chill off) or the abominable snowman (plenty of fake fiber fuzzy robes out there. The problem with artificial fibers is that they don't breathe.) Every once in a while some manufacturer somehow forgets the Lolita/Abominable Snowman guidelines, and actually makes genuine floor-length cotton chenille robes available. I keep my eyes open. Skirts (controlled) - walking through the mall the other day, it occurred to me that skirts are out of control. The choices today are mind-boggling - from minis to ankle-length and anywhere in-between. No wonder so many women opt for slacks and jeans. It's simpler than pulling a look together with the I-Didn't-Have-Enough-Fabric-to-Complete-This bum skimmer or the I-Am-a-Grandma ankle lengther. I love skirts. They're comfortable and feminine. But designers have sort of made them obsolete for now. Bring back "A Look" please - an agreed-upon length, silhouette(s), style. In the meantime, I'll stick to my slacks. And, finally, let's talk about, well, talking: - Coffee klatches - I'm not quite sure I even know what these are, but I like them, by golly. Like the chenille robes, they have a lovely old-fashioned sound to them. Per the Free Dictionary, a Coffee Klatch is a "casual social gathering for coffee and conversation." The phrase seems to have sprung up and had its heyday around the time the suburbs first saw the light of day - in the fifties. I guess I conduct my own modern-day version of the coffee klatch; I meet with various groups of friends regularly for lunch. In the fifties, most women didn't work outside the home, so midmorning or midafternoon meetings were possible. In my mind, those coffee klatches were gatherings of friends who offered mutual support - no agenda except to share coffee and conversation. Now, I'm sure that the women of the fifties who actually participated in these mystical coffee clatches would quickly demystify the event for me. But, in my mind, it still seems like a cool idea - especially for young moms who stay home with their children. In our super focused society, we might be in constant contact with each other via text messaging and email, but why not take a breather once in a while, turn off the iPhones, and share fellowship the old-fashioned way? If you've stayed with this post to the end, thanks for reading, and I invite you to please share in the comments section your fave things that no one else likes. Who knows? You might find a kindred spirit or two. Image courtesy of Stepheye. Some of My Favorite Things. Tra-la! 02/04/2012
 Smart Stick blender - one of my favorite things! You can tell a lot about a person by having them list their favorite things. Remember Julie Andrews in The Sound of Music? The kids she was newly assigned to care for knew she was okay once she started singing, no less, about her favorite things - I recall "raindrops on roses" and "Whiskers on kittens." And who can forget Hannibal lecter's main course with a favorite side dish of "chianti and fava beans." Ugh. Anyone who mixes chianti with fava beans - well, you know they're up to no good. My favorite things - and I am going to stick with "things" versus animate objects (family, friends, horses, dogs and cats - which about comprises the list of my favorite animate objects anyway), are as follows: - My Hamilton Beach Electric Percolator - I can hear the groans from coffee purists, but let me tell you. I love the aggressive coffee action of a percolator. Those beans are getting boiled! None of this lame drip, drip, drip action. And the aroma of fresh brewed coffee always reminds me of vacations and resorts. This is probably unique to me. My family were tea drinkers, so the only time I did smell fresh perked coffee as a child was on vacation. Anyway, percolators are like those plug-in aroma products for disseminating a scent. And what more alluring scent can you ask for in the morning than the smell of fresh-brewed coffee? - Columbian coffee - Juan Valdez is right. It is the best. - Butter - I love this stuff. But I only allow myself a pat now and then. Extra virgin olive oil is heart healthier. I get my butter fix at restaurants, sometimes at events or friends houses. So butter, to me, has become associated with good times. - Fruit smoothies with strawberries and blueberries - When I don't have fresh fruit, I make them with freeze-dried strawberries and blueberries which I buy from nuts.com. I add yogurt and mix in whatever else I feel like. Pineapple or banana are good. Then I add pineapple, grape or apple juice - a third of a cup or so - and yogurt. Whip this up, and you'll wonder where it's been all your life. - My Cuisinart Smart Stick - Superb for whipping up the aforementioned fruit smoothies. Also great for transforming unappealing veggies into "creamed" veggie soups which are appealing. Super easy to clean. Got mine a year ago and, like Scarlett O'Hara, I will never be hungry (for delicious Cuisinarted goodies) again. - Books - When I was a bespectacled child who spent too much time reading, my Dad asked me with sweet fatherly concern, "Why do you read so much?" "Because my books are my friends," I said - not pathetically, but as a sincere statement. Is that not the ultimate geeky cuteness? And I still feel that way. Some of the many books I've encountered over the years have been casual friends (helped pass the time but offered negligible nourishment for the mind/soul); some have been steadfast and true (wouldn't be without them); others - very few - have been a waste of time (sorry to say, but some books aren't worth the paper they're printed on). - My Kindle 3 - A library, potentially of a thousand or more volumes, in a small thin rectangular object? It's like a Ray Bradbury magical fantasy (a good one) come true. Free classics? Come to Mama! Library lending enabled? Yes, yes, yes! Text-to-speech? 3-G connectedness? Fetch me my smelling salts, Fannie, for I am overwhelmed. Best reading invention ever. - My Kindle Fire - Continues the Kindle 3 goodness and complements it. Lovely color images. Wowsa! Interet capability? Apps? I haven't finished exploring Kindle Fire yet, but this is a friendship that will last. At $199 - bargain! - My "special" jeans - Ladies, you know what I'm talking about. As we fight The Battle - no, not against good and evil - the Other battle - there is always that one loyal pair of jeans, so hard to find, that sort of hides the Christmastime Devil-may-care-about-calories weight gain. (Hmm, I probably should have listed this just after "Butter.") - My PC - They are everywhere now, personal computers, but they are not to be taken for granted, these amazing news deliverers, information storers and sharers, and social connectors. We live in an age of technological miracles, and the PC is in the top ten of that list. - Google - Fantastic search engine. (See PC above.) Well, I've finished my coffee, and am off to make a smoothie and then fire up my Kindle and PC to read/check the news. Not sure what my list reveals about me. Oh, wait, I do seem to like coffee, butter, whipped fruit, slimming jeans, information and books. No, don't go away. Stop yawning. I haven't finished my list of favorite things. Stay tuned. More in a future post. Got to check out the whiskers on some kittens. Maybe I can set this to music? Tra-la!  Politics has never been for the fainthearted. Professional historians can handily point out some episodes of nastiness here and there down through to the dawn of recorded history. Passion in politics isn't new either. It goes hand in hand. But something is happening out there, folks. Nastiness in politics appears to now be the new normal. By nastiness, I mean twisting an opponent's words, co-opting the meaning of words and phrases, intimidating an opponent's supporters, and a slew of other behaviors that you can observe for yourself by turning on your television any night of the week. As for passion, it's well and good to be passionate about your beliefs. But it's wrong to let that passionate blood roar through your veins so loud that it drowns out honest debate. What is honest debate? It's presenting your side, then listening to the other side - and learning. Honest debate is a foundation of civilization. It's also how business is built and how it grows. It's how nations resolve their differences. It allows for fine-tuning your position by incorporating new information. It allows for "win-win." Today, passion - among politicians, and their supporters - often seems driven by disdain and loathing for the "other side." Among candidates, some of this is the theater of politics - a kind of posturing to make their points. It has apparently become an accepted way of doing things. Perhaps. But that doesn't mean it's good. Nor does it mean that it advances us as a nation. The "other side," it would behoove the loathers and disdainers to remember, are just folks, like you and me. They are people. They have hopes and dreams. They are facing an uncertain future. They are looking to leaders for hope and guidance. In my book, spitting out loathing and disdain isn't leadership behavior; it's pandering to the lowest common denominator in your base. Twisting and co-opting the meaning of words and phrases to confuse and undercut and suppress and intimidate the other side - basically to try and get them to "shut up" - may have become business as usual in the last decade. But it's a tactic right out of C.S. Lewis's Screwtape Letters - and we all know who the author of those letters was. Yes, there is a place for passion in politics and debate. But what we're seeing isn't passion. True passion grows out of a true concern for the body politic. What we're seeing is bullying. And it's wrong. In the Clouds (of Data Storage) 01/31/2012
 Writers storing working drafts of a novel electronically need to have the assurance that their work will be there from one day to the next. As computers have been known to crash and fail, taking hours and days of hard work with them, "cloud" storage makes a lot of sense for writers. What is "cloud" storage? Okay, I'm not a tecchie, so the best I can come up with is that the "cloud" here is some sort of magical place in the Internet ether. Anyway, it's outside your personal PC. This means if your PC crashes, your data is not lost. Also, you can access your data from any computer anywhere. You just need to enter your login and password. Unexpected trip to Paris? Forgot the thumb drive with the latest draft of your novel? No problemo. You can lean back on your cafe chair on the Champs-Élysées, fire up your PC, sip your espresso, and retrieve your document from the "cloud" - because, really, in the heart of Paris, you do want to put in those eight to ten dutiful daily writing hours, don't you? Well, we'll talk about work-life balance in another post. Back to the "cloud." Two "cloud" data storage softwares I find useful are: Evernote and Dropbox. Both are free. Dropbox can be downloaded at dropbox.com I really like Dropbox; it allows you to create folders and store documents within those folders - all outside your potentially unreliable personal PC. You can access your files online, or download Dropbox to your PC so that it becomes an extra folder which contains all the subfolders and documents you choose to store there. Evernote which you can download from evernote.com is nice because you can access the data you store there from your smart phone as well as from any PC, as with Dropbox. For me, however, the way Evernote is structured, it is handier for jotting down ideas or notes versus storing data/documents. Note: There is a hint of a "storm cloud" over data storage in the "cloud" due to some people using cloud storage systems to exchange pirated files. Google "Megaupload" to find out more about this. The only real concern for users like me would be if Dropbox or Evernote might one day be handed down a ruling that they can no longer store information. Then I might need to find an alternate storage system. But in situations like this, host sites almost always give users ample warning. Even Megaupload users were given several days' warning before the site closed down. I believe it is unlikely that Dropbox and Evernote will ever shut down, but I am mentioning the concern as it's a topic of discussion currently. Another "cloud" storage option is Amazon.com's JungleDisk.com. I back up some of my data on JungleDisk. This is not a free program but it's not pricey either. I pay only about $2/month. Jungledisk allows you access to your files from any of your PC's if you have more than one; but it's not designed for sharing files, so it probably doesn't face any threat of ever being shut down. Once you download it, Jungledisk becomes an extra drive on your computer from which you can access your files. Or, you can just login to the jungledisk site and access your files from there. In my opinion, Dropbox's design makes it the easiest to work with for storing and accessing notes and manuscripts. I also have some data stored on a Western Digital external drive with a 1,000 Gigabyte (huge!) capacity for storage. But I don't trust hardware storage entirely. Have heard too many stories of data lost. I purchased my WD drive at BestBuy. (Read the reviews previous purchasers have kindly supplied, and look for a model that has met expectations among reviewers.) Photo: Courtesy of Akakumo via Flickr More Uncommonly Good Autobiographies 12/29/2011
Part 2 of my 12/11/2011 post: Following, in no particular order, are some of my favorite biographies, autobiographies, diaries, collected letters, etc.  Elizabeth von Arnim, who was born in 1866, wrote three books which are autobiographical in nature - Elizabeth and Her German Garden, The Solitary Summer, and All the Dogs of My Life. My favorite is the last, All the Dogs of My Life, written in her senior years. She tells her life story vis a vis the dogs she has owned in various phases of her life - starting with her happy childhood, going on through her problematic marriages - the first to a domineering Prussian minor aristocrat she dubbed the "Man of Wrath," the second to the older brother of Bertrand Russell, a marriage which has been described as "disastrous" and which ended in acrimony and separation. When her first husband went broke, Elizabeth availed herself of one of the very few options women had in the 19th century to make a good living for themselves: she took up her pen and wrote a bestseller, and then another, and then another. Perhaps her best known work today is The Enchanted April as it was made into an Academy-award nominated movie in 1992. The Enchanted April also happens to be one of my favorite books. It is a celebration of female friendship with four women joining forces to escape a bleak gray rainy London by finding a resourceful way to rent an Italian castle that will immerse them in a Spring of "wisteria and sunshine." The two who are married even manage to include their husbands in ways that heal frayed marital bonds. In All the Dogs of My Life, von Arnim's resolutely cheerful but never cloying (and always reality-bound) personality shines through in full force. Note: Elizabeth von Arnim's work is now in the public domain and much of it is available free online.  C.S. Lewis's Mere Christianity, Surprised by Joy, and A Grief Observed aren't usually classed as autobiographies. But few books are more intimate or personal. From all that I've read about C.S. Lewis, once he'd espoused Christianity, he lived his belief. And he left a wondrous legacy in the clarity with which he explicated the case for Christianity, as well as the 24/7 challenges of living a Christian life. "Jack," as his friends called him, didn't sugarcoat Christianity. He didn't "leave out the hard parts." But neither did he take a hard denominational line to Christian belief and Christian living. "It is at her centre," Lewis wrote, "where her truest children dwell, that each communion [of Christians] is really closest to every other in spirit, if not in doctrine. And this suggests that at the centre of each there is something, or a Someone ... who speaks with the same voice." Mere Christianity is one man's examination of the human condition and his honest attempt to find a meaningful and hopeful answer.  P.D. James, whose first mystery novel, Cover Her Face, was published when she was 42, has known phenomenal success. Her novels are regarded as not only mysteries - but also as literary novels. James's dark novels startle and intrigue, as all good mysteries should do, and leave you feeling enlightened as she peels back layer after layer disclosing her characters' true motivations. In her book, Time to Be in Earnest, subtitled "a fragment of autobiography," she shares her thoughts on a variety of subjects - ranging from details of her earliest years, her observations on the development of the mystery genre, and the sorrows of her marriage to Connor White, a doctor who returned from service in World War II so damaged he had to be institutionalized intermittently until his death in 1964, two years after Cover Her Face was published. The parts of herself James shares in Time to Be in Earnest remind us of the great rewards an earnest dedication to craft can bring, but also remind us that those we deem great successes have often borne burdens we might never guess at. Following, in no particular order, are some of the biographies, autobiographies, diaries, collected letters, etc., I keep stored on my Kindle. Reason: these men and women offer thoughts and observations that make for interesting companionable reading. On days when lively conversation is nowhere to be found, and I am in the mood for brilliant or thought-provoking chit chat, I have these ready-made friends to turn to - and I don't even have to prepare coffee or cake!  An Autobiography, Agatha Christie - Agatha Christie could never be a bore. She is too skilled at presenting written information that hooks the reader into her world. Her Autobiography is filled with the sorts of anecdotes and details you'd expect from a woman who lived a pretty interesting life - surviving two world wars, forging a career for herself as the top-selling mystery writer and one of the most successful playwrights of all time, surviving a traumatic divorce, reinventing herself as the wife of an archeologist (husband number two), traveling with him on archeological digs to Ninevah and Petra, and then coming home to England, cream cakes and tea. A great rainy day - or anytime - read.  Martha Gellhorn and Ernest Hemingway, 1941 Selected Letters of Martha Gellhorn, edited by Caroline Moore - Martha Gellhorn took pains to place herself where the action was in the 1930's and '40's. She is best known for having been one of Ernest Hemingway's wives. But she was accomplished in her own right as a journalist and, especially, as a war reporter. She corresponded, among others, with Eleanor Roosevelt and H. G. Wells, as well as with Hemingway, and her letters, written from 1930 to 1996, are those of a free spirit finding her way, often admirable, often flawed, making mistakes, landing on her feet and growing wiser but never less passionate with the advancing years.  Big Russ and Me, Tim Russert - I still miss Tim Russert. He was an outstanding moderator on Meet the Press. As an interviewer, he didn't pull any punches but he was always courteous and fair, and you just knew he'd done his homework each and every time. He was the consummate journalistic professional. Big Russ & Me is a valentine to his father, the "Big Russ" of the title. It also provides much of Tim Russert's story, sharing with us the influences - church, community and family - that shaped him into the outstanding professional he became. The dictionary defines "wholesome" as "conducive to or suggestive of good health and physical well-being; conducive to or promoting moral well-being." Tim Russert was the epitome of "wholesome" and his book continues to be a good influence on this ol' world, just as the man himself was when he was with us. To be continued in a future blog post. Stay tuned! Image of Martha Gellhorn: Wikimedia Commons A few months ago, I visited a health care provider regarding a routine issue. After the doctor saw me, the nurse came in to provide me with the doctor's thoughts and instructions - the usual procedure. That would have been fine, except that I glanced at the paper the nurse held and the patient named on the chart was someone else. I pointed this out and the error was rectified after a little blushing and apologizing. No problem. Mistakes happen. But there is a problem when they happen over and over again. A short while previous to this event, on another doctor visit, I was checking and the administrative clerk asked me for a co-pay amount that was several times higher than what I normally pay. I asked her to double check and she embarrassedly confirmed she had been charging me for someone else's appointment (!) Right. So if I had paid, I would not only have paid way more than I had to. I also would have, 2) found my own bill unpaid. I shared my medical error anecdote with a couple of friends over coffee recently and both of them quickly shared anecdotes of their own. One had requested a medical record of her mother's (for whom she has power of attorney) and she received a pdf document via email disclosing a stranger's medical information. The other friend shared how her husband had recently had a urology lab test and received someone else's results. The medical establishments in question, in case you are wondering, are all considered top notch. I'd like to make light of this, but I can't. These errors didn't happen over a widely dispersed time span; they all occurred within the last few months. They didn't happen in understaffed or poorly staffed neighborhoods, but in affluent areas. It is my observation that in the last few years, stupid (and that is the right word) errors are becoming rife. I don't want to sound snarky here, but - at times - it seems a blessed relief when a professional and/or service person actually knows what he or she is doing. Clearly, the attention of the people who serve us is often elsewhere - even when it shouldn't be. I suspect 24/7 access to cellphones, text messages and the Internet are at least partially to blame. Personally I am becoming much more vigilant in my interactions with professionals and service people. It's not that I don't trust them, I simply feel in the current environment - with distractions we probably weren't designed to function well allowed all around us - everyone needs that extra set of eyes and ears, that follow up question, that lack of assuming that everything is being taken care of as it should be. Unfortunately, it will probably be a while before the media starts highlighting the error proneness of the new millennium - so, until that happens, I advise everyone to be your own best advocate. Stay alert. Question. Double check. Nuff said. Why I Don't Want Stuff for Christmas 11/28/2011
 Okay, there is an item or two I want for Christmas. I need a new handbag and have been told by Santa I will get one - the exact one I've had my eye on for months and months. And I'm thrilled. It's what I really want and I'm delighted I'm getting it. But I don't want to find myself on Christmas day with lots and lots of other stuff. It's fine for little kids, within reason, to enjoy Santa's bounty. I loved watching my kids open gifts when they were little. But, even here, I think the focus on gifts sometimes gets out of hand. When exactly was it that so many toys became big ticket items? It wasn't always that way. I understand the impulse to buy gifts. There is a lot of pleasure in giving things to others. But I know a lot of us also want to simplify our lives and streamline our possessions. So, mindful of not adding to anyone else's collection of clutter, when a gift is obligatory, I try to give gifts that are consumable (food, scented candles and soaps, gift cards for restaurants, etc.), or that have a limited life span (clothing, flowers, etc.) And I always include a gift receipt. No one should be stuck with an item they don't really want. I don't want to sound like Goody Two Shoes here, but I personally find it very gratifying to think of those truly in need at Christmastime. Two of my favorite charities include one that provides operations to repair cleft lips in countries where such operations are too expensive without charitable assistance, and a Detroit church which provides food and necessities to the homeless. It's a pleasure to help, even in a small way, to ensure organizations like this can give gifts that are truly meaningful to people truly in need of them. Rather than put pressure on each other to find that exact right gift year after year, why not give a token (consumable) gift, and donate, in your gift recipient's name, to his/her favorite charity? Image: flickr.com/metaphoricalplatypus  Given that those who study this kind of thing estimate that one to four percent of the world's population are sociopaths, and that - contrary to what you would think, these folks are often highly functional socially - the sad probability is that none of us are likely to be able to avoid encounters with "meanies." Who are these "meanies"? Meanies are that tiny percentage of people who harbor active ill will to others - sometimes to all, but usually to select targets. You know the kind of folks I mean - the ones who make snide remarks, who are masters of sarcasm, who are bullies, who speak ill of others who aren't around to defend themselves, who are slow with solutions but quick with criticisms, who feel your successes are their losses, and who exhibit a host of other poor behaviors. Meanies can be seriously hurtful or they can be just annoying. Most of us, fortunately, experience only the garden variety "annoying" version of meanie behavior. In workplaces that hum, good bosses spot these characters, keep them under control and encourage them into therapy. In healthy organizations, group dynamics usually tamp down "mean folks." In these cases, controlled by wiser folk, meanies are rendered harmless. However, in workplaces and organizations where the "mean folks" are unchecked, it's a different story. We've all heard from friends and acquaintances who have been on the receiving end of meanies who manage to gain the upper hand in one way or another. Worst case, our friends have bosses who are meanies. From the stories I hear, that particular scenario is no fun at all. Our best defense against the meanies of the world? 1) Ally yourself with non-meanies. First of all, it's not a bad idea to shore up allies. Second, normal behavior puts the meanies' toxicity in perspective, reminding us we can't expect dented cans to not be toxic. 2)Learn to laugh more - at the world in general, and at the meanies in particular. Humor (funny books and movies and those friends with a gift for cracking us up) are good for us. Also, barring the few who are deeply sociopathic, meanies' dogged devotion to nastiness has its comic moments. Look for them. 3) Cut them some slack. Sometimes people are just that dense. What appears to be intentional meanie behavior may just be "born in a barn" bad manners. 4) Keep on keeping on. Time tends to heal all wounds, and it also tends to wound all heels. Photo: Jessica Hatchigan |  Jessica Hatchigan (www.hatchigan.com) Welcome!
AuthorJennysoft.com is named after my daughter Jenny who once joked that a Website with a name like "jennysoft.com" would be a great counterpoint to other very serious and somber-sounding "- soft.coms" out there. Jennysoft.com is a place for me to post eclectic thoughts and musings. welcome to my site! - Jessica Hatchigan ArchivesFebruary 2012 CategoriesAll |
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